Friday, August 17, 2012

Keeping a Lost Soul

I always envy those who grew up calling friends as "friends since birth". I know people who were together for over twenty years or for as long as they can remember and I envy them a lot. I grew up going places. Moving from one place to another, transferring from a school to a new one, meeting new friends and then bidding goodbye.. that has been my thing. I've never been familiar to a place or even a face.

I was longing for a sibling, an older brother or a younger sister to be particular. I wished I had someone to play bahay-bahayan with or someone who could hold the other doll for me. I remember those times I play Chinese garter with chairs or those times I play multiple roles, I'm the customer, the cashier, and the manager all at the same time. I wished there's someone I can argue with, someone I can cry with or just someone...someone to grow up with. After 20 years, I thought it's now impossible but through some twist of fate, it did happen.

I don't know if I can consider this 16-year old as my sister. I honestly want it to be that way. But yeah, things are too complicated to put things like that. It seems like we're keeping a lost soul. She's someone who tried to escape from the harsh realities of life and we became her refuge. She's broken and as much as we can, we're trying to fix her.

She became an eye-opener for me. Whenever I look at her, I see my younger self. I cannot imagine how strong this girl is! If I had the same drastic experiences, I could just die, right then and there. Knowing what she had gone through, I learned to appreciate my life and my very kind parents more. "Hey, Jhei! You are damn lucky!".

I choose to share that luck.

It feels good when she calls our home as her own too. We admit that we are starting to love her as part of our family and just by knowing that she enjoys the little happiness our family can share, we feel like we've received a lifetime reward. I'm looking forward to singing and dancing or watching good movies with her or maybe we can travel together. I hope we can share more experiences together, as a family.

The sad reality is, I know changes can happen with just a blink of an eye. She can choose to leave and find her soul in another place. She has a life behind her and I know we cannot take that away from her. But I don't want this dream turned reality to end too soon. I'm so tired of saying goodbye to people I learned to treasure and I don't want her to be just like any other playmate I had. If that time comes when she chooses to be with her own family again, I would accept it. But I'll always remember that once in my life a girl played as my sister and I will forever be thankful for that. :)

No comments:

Post a Comment